Falling Down…

So, Saturday I head off to Hollywood to meet my girls for lunch as it is a dear friends birthday weekend and her request was lunch at Canter’s (for those who do not know, an amazing deli on Fairfax that has been there for like 70 years plus… my dad used to go there when he was a kid… still DELISH!!!, but I digress…) so we meet there and have a wonderful time.  On our way back to the valley, I ask my Bud (one of my Besties) want to stop for Fro Yo (Frozen yogurt for those not in the know), she says YES!! so we do.  All is going swimmingly. we get our Fro Yo to go have a lovely conversation with the Fro Yo girls) and we are off, happily chatting about our frozen treats, when I realize I have stepped wrong or my ankle has given out and … I am falling… and I do.  Bam!  I’m down.

My Bud comes over and see is I’m ok and begins to gather up the belongings I tossed on my way down (the yogurt was superbly packed and sustained no harm – Kudos to you, Fro Yo Girl), I managed to avoid serious harm, but didn’t twist quickly enough and land on my leg just below my knee, little rash and some numbness, but over all, I’m ok.  But wait, because now is when the real excitement begins… as I was falling, an elderly couple were quietly eating their Fro Yo, and as I began my descent, the woman SCREAMED… not yelled, screamed.  I was actually quite calm, a simple “Oh, shit…” and I was on my way.  So I, and everyone else, hear the scream and as I rolled over, the little old man, quite earnestly concerned hovered over me, trying to assess the situation.  The little old woman ran into the Fro Yo Store and got the Fro Yo girls.  I’m sitting up gathering my self together, explaining to the little old man that I’m fine, when out pops the Fro Yo Girls with phone in hand.  “Should I call 911?” she asks.  I respond.” Nooooooo, please dont’ call 911… really… I’m fine… I just fell down.  I do it a lot… I’m good.”  After several minutes, I convince all of them that I actually am fine and they disperse and my Bud looks down at me smiling.  I congratulate her for gathering all the spilled items from her “Bud Down” and we laugh, when around the corner comes these two guys… “Oh My God!! What happened are you all right?”  I explain I am fine and they take off… all the while I’m thinking… day late, dollar short, Dudes, but thanks for stopping.  My Bud helps me up and we are off.

Why tell this story?  Well, I was telling some friends a few days ago and although it is humorous, I realized that I have fallen quite a bit in my life.  Granted I’ve been around for a while, but I have probably fallen more than most.  So much so that I’m unusually good at it. I occasionally get bruised, but mostly I don’t.  Then I realized how often we fall in other ways.  Setbacks and procrastination and disappointment and losing and missing and all the ways we fall down.  We all do.  But, the most important thing is we get back up.  Just like falling down physically, we need to get back up and try again.  Move forward and get on with things.

For those of us who write, we may spend time away from the page.  We get distracted or the words won’t come or the characters are silent or the stress of life interferes, but we eventually sit down and get back to work.  We all need to do this with all aspects of our lives.  Getting back on track and pursuing what makes up happy, what makes us fulfilled, despite the “pain” or whatever else we are feeling.  Just make sure you get back up and walk it off and get back to business.  You’ll feel better once you do… and of course, if you encounter the lovely ladies we had, your Fro Yo will be intact to enjoy later that day!!

More Changes…

My life is all about change and my difficulty accepting it… don’t get me wrong, I’m so much better than I used to be, but I know I still have short comings.  I get stressed out sometimes when everything is in upheaval (like now, we’re getting a new fridge… organized chaos at the moment – how’s that for an oxymoron?)

First change, my job will be ending soon, the company I’ve worked for the last eight years was sold, so it’s take over time.  The new company seems fine, but their offices are too far to commute and gas prices being the way they are, well…  Don’t worry, it’s a good thing, I know this.  It’s a little scary, but I’ve got a plan… or two, so no worries about that.  After all, it’ll give me time to write, time to market my novel, time to travel… it’s all ok.

One of the most significant relationships of my life is also changing… not ending, but changing.  It’s also sad and scary, but I know it’s the right path for both of us.  I know that we’ll always be there for each other and that we’ll still hang out and share each other’s lives, just not in the same way.  I hope he knows how much he means to me and how I wouldn’t have changed a thing, that I would choose him all over again, even if I knew the outcome would lead to now.   Our love has changed, but it’s still there and now we have to change with it.

Late last year I was diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes.  It was ok, because I was terrified I might have an enlarged heart.  You can’t fix an enlarged heart, but you can fix Type 2.  My diabetes was caused by my weight (which is… well, I’m a big girl).  An over abundance of cortisol due to excessive adipose tissue and eventually a tolerance to insulin, causing the pancreas to over produce the hormone until the body becomes so resistant that it just doesn’t produce it anymore… diabetes.  I caught mine early and although I was technically diabetic, I was still producing.  Good news, through diet and exercise and a great doctor who stayed on me and still does, I’ve reversed my diabetes.  I’m still on the long road to getting healthy, but I’m taking it day by day.  It’s hard to teach an old dog new tricks, and this dog is no exception.  But again, I am trying and detirmined to shed the pounds and all that goes with it.

The most significant change was losing my dad last year.  My best friend, my mentor, my hero.  That one turned my world upside down, but like the Black Pearl, even when I was upside down, I eventually found myself upright again.  It’s hard to focus sometimes, but I’ve been working on some projects that are getting me back on track.

Change comes to us all and every moment I am learning to embrace it, no matter how painful or sad or frightening it might be.  It can only make me a better person, teach me more about myself and help me grow and learn.  Time here is short.  We all need to make it the best time we can… and embrace the change.

The Journey Begins…

So now it begins… the first step into a new world. Here I am beginning the journey into the world of following my dreams. I’ve written a book and published it myself, I’m learning to play golf, I’ve purchased a guitar… not true, I have 3 (classical, acoustic and electric) now to learn to play them.  Well, I can play a little, but I want to play them.  Drag my fingers across the strings and here those sweet notes reverberate against the instrument, making the sounds I hear on the radio or on my IPod.  I’m on the road to getting healthy, working out and dropping all this excess baggage we call fat. That one is the hardest. Harder than writing, harder than learning something new. Why? Probably because it’s just that… hard.

It’s hard to move and hard to get motivated and hard to work through the pain… and I know, it’s worth it. I know this, but sometimes it’s just hard. My dad has always said there is no magic potion, no pill, just hard work, so do it.  And I do it… day after day, when I miss a day, I get back on the horse and I keep going.  But its still hard.  Like doing the things we know need to get done, but it will suck to do. Saying the things that need to be said, but you really don’t want to. So I try to be brave… but it’s hard.

But the things that are the hardest are the most rewarding, I know this too. So in short, here I am at the precipice of my life, looking into a deep ravine of the unknown, but rather than be frightened as I once was, I’m curious.  What’s down there? What’s waiting for me? So I ready myself and I jump… and I fall into whatever to waiting for me. Just like a giant amusement park ride like Tower of Terror, I plunge into the unknown… the only difference it there isn’t a ride operator to bring us back and let me off. This is life and it just keeps going.

Exciting isn’t it?