Kharma is slacking and making me Mad… Why am I letting it?

So I have been going along in my life, working on my goals and friendships. I try to be positive every day and focus on the good things. I have a tendency to be a little bit Pollyana-ish (well, more than a little). However, today I was led (by some unseen force) to check on an individual I’ve known for over 20 years. You should know, we aren’t friends anymore, although, we are intertwined by mutual friends and a past. I have no desire to be friends. I don’t particularly like this person. They are the type of person that if you can’t further their career or benefit them in some way, why bother? I have seen them be unfatithful to their spouse. I have seen them start a physical altercation and then blame the other person. I have seen them attempt to destroy a person’s reputation. I have seen them be rude, disrespectful and unapologetic for their behavior, as if it were completely acceptable to behave that way. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not perfect, far from it actually, but whenever I have behaved badly, I take responsibility and apologize, and I don’t try to destroy a person’s reputation. I heard that this person gave a half-assed apology to one of the people involved in the physical altercation, but took no responsibility for having started it in the first place. Lame.

Anyway, they chose to stop speaking to me because I didn’t support their version of a story, which was a lie. As a matter of fact, I haven’t spoke to this person in over 3 years, but for some reason, today I found it necessary to see what this person has been doing.

What I found is that they appear to be doing really well, and that… that made me angry. To this person, that I know for a fact, is not a good person and has done horrible things to people I care about, good things are happening. That part of me that hopes Kharma takes care of things got SOOO angry. What was Kharma doing? Why hadn’t they handled this? Negative should bring negative! I was venting and railing against them, feeling sick to my stomach that they are succeeding and seeing new people fall for the “charming” act – yes, an act. Why was this getting to me? Is it my envy, jealousy… frustration? The frustration that I, and others who are extremely talented and hard working, are struggling to be seen and be successful in our chosen field, while this individual is getting all kinds of accolades and recognition? The fire of rage was burning!

Then a friend posted this Meme.

It struck home. There was no reason for me to get angry at their success. I might still be struggling to find my place, along with those I know and find to be so talented who also deserve their place in the sun, like me, but it’s because it’s just not our time… yet. These little successes this individual has come across, they belong to them. I have to let go of the injustices they committed, hoping to see them fail, falling on their face, and focus on my own endeavors, and know I will succeed.

Maybe we’re conditioned to get angry… when we see an injustice of this kind. But it has no bearing on my life… not really. I’ll never forget what happened, I’m not built that way, but I don’t need to worry about it either. Whether or not Kharma ends up taking care of this is irrelevent. By the way, Kharma is not the universe’s way of giving payback, but is rather the draw of energy. When one puts out negative, they get negative and Vice Versa. I need to work harder, appreciate the people that matter, let go of the one’s who do not matter. Encourage and support those talented souls, and forget the drama… even the drama in my head.

I can’t imagine I would ever see or work with this person again, but if that day comes, I will deal with it. Be the bigger person and remember that they have no real affect on me or my life, other than how I allow them to affect my life. I have bigger fish to fry and I know my worth… and my heart. So thank you, Soul Sister, for posting that meme and making me see things clearly.

As Polonius said to Ophelia, “To thine own self be true.” He was right. I’ll leave it to Kharma… I’m sure it knows what it’s doing… I’ve got my own circus to worry about… and my own monkeys.

Fear…

Fear… most of us know that word.  We’ve experienced that emotion at some point in our lives.  It can hold us back, keep us down… give us an excuse to not do the things we really want to do or need to do.  It can keep us in a holding pattern that isn’t scary, but isn’t going anywhere either.

Fear can be a lot of things and I think many of you immediately think about spiders and snakes, or roller coasters or serial killers, but the fear I’m talking about is the fear to live.  When we get so scared to try new things, we stop trying and stop living.  The fear of failure is right in the front of the line.  Most of us can relate to the concept.  No one likes to fail, especially at something they’re really passionate about.  We want to fly, to excel and climb, but sometimes we can’t.  We get so scared that we freeze up and believe it just isn’t going to happen, so we move on.

Some of us do climb and we do succeed and all is well, until we try again.  This potential failure is worse than the first.  Now, the pressure to do well is increased and the potential to fail, also expanded.  I find that this pressure can be stifling.  Suffocating my creativity and keeping me stagnant and distracted.  I know that I’m scared, but I also know that I will never succeed if I don’t try and I’ll never be able to break out that box I’m keeping myself in.

I guess the hardest part of overcoming the fear is to convince your subconscious that you are ok and don’t need the protection.  That you can survive the fall out.  That you will be better for it.  All these things are true.  We can do nothing to control our future anymore than we can control anything around us.  We can set a situation in motion and we can hold on tight to see where it goes, but we can’t make it go or stop it or move it.  It will go where it wants.  So we have to be brave.

Bravery… I wrote about his before… bravery is not the absence of fear, but rather knowing you’re afraid and moving through it to the other side and do what must be done.  If we are to succeed we must find the courage to climb within ourselves.  Embrace it and move forward.

My success is dependent on one thing and one thing only… and that’s the ability to try.  To put forth my best effort and allow it to run it’s course.  There will never be a guarantee that I will win, but at least I will have the respect for myself that we should all have.  I will know that I did my best and even when I get knocked down, I’ll get back up and dust myself off and try again.  And with each step I take, I will come that much closer to the the brass ring.  Then the silver ring and then the gold ring… I could continue, but I think you get the point.

It’s time to fly, to jump off the cliff one more time and pray for the soft landing we believe is waiting for us… but be prepared, because although we will more than likely land on our feet, it’s distinctly possible that we may hit a few trees on the way down.