Trust – Which do you choose?


It’s been quite some time since I sat down and wrote under the category of LIFE, but I thought it was time.

I was recently in a situation where I met a new group of people and we all had to spend 14 hours days together for two weeks. It was great! I know it doesn’t sound like it, but it was and in that time, you build bonds with people. So, where am I going? Well, here we go.

Some people I gravitated to instantly, you know, kindred spirits or a soul you knew a long time ago, but then I found that trust was an issue for a few of them. They are lovely people, do not get me wrong, and I adore them, but they don’t trust easily. I do understand that, I really do. I  vividly remember the first time I was really screwed over and knew it. It was at the end of my fourth-grade year. This girl (her name I’ve forgotten) had lied and used me and tried to turn people against me, at age 9, nice. Well, as I thought about it, in my room, I did (as I still do) I decided I could do a few things.

1. Don’t trust anyone. Well, then I never get hurt, because I never let anyone in. That saves me from hurt, but it also prohibits me from having real friends and loving and being loved by them. I happen to be a person who thrives on human contact and I really need not only my family, but my friends… so, not appealing.
2. Keep doing what I was doing and blindly hug the world. Let them all in and see what happens. . Hmmm, nice idea, but then I wouldn’t have learned anything, like some people are Asshats, yes, asshats. And my heart would be trampled again and again. Not appealing.
3. Give everyone the same amount of trust to begin with and see what they do with it. A basic level of trust, like… ok, I trust you to say hi, have a few laughs and have a good time. Oh, you didn’t try to kill me or punch me in the face, let’s move forward (Of course, I’m being ridiculous in terms of trust level, I’m just pointing it our, levels of trust).

Bottom line: I chose number 3. I’m not willing to hide and be afraid of having my heart-broken or my soul crushed. Each time it’s happened, I’ve become stronger. I am a unicorn (you remember, right?) with the spirit of the Phoenix and I will rise from the ashes, stronger and more determined than before to do what is right for me.

I’ve had quite  few people remark recently I have a large number of friends, and a few said it rather apprehensively. Well, I  guess I do, but I’ve worked long and hard and been shoved, pushed, lied to, betrayed, screwed over and ignored, left behind, etc, etc, etc, but in the midst of all of that, I have found the precious gems that are my friends. Those that are worthy and loyal and understanding and kind and generous and loving. Some of us have been to hell and back together, and some are brand new, but we are in this together and we trust each other and we have a bond and that’s the most important thing.

I was recently reminded of a great saying ~ Don’t let the fear of striking out, Keep you from playing the game ~ and it’s true. If you never try, you will never succeed. And the only way to do that is to keep putting it out there, everything that you are, all the dreams you hold close, all the goals you reach for… put it out there and TRUST… a little bit more everyday, the rewards can be unimagineable.

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Cover Reveal of The Gathering: Book One of the Lia Fail Chronicles by S. L. Dearing


Cover Reveal and Re-Release Party for
The Gathering: Book One of the Lia Fail Chronicles by S.L. Dearing

Synopsis: Another world war has happened and everything we knew is now gone. There are no more countries. No more government… only survivors who have created a new world made up of small colonies. It has been thirteen years and the village of Lia Fail sits peacefully above the Hollywood Reservoir in the Santa Monica Mountains. The settlement is making ready to host the fall Gathering, a time where every six months the other colonies from various parts of what was once Southern California visit for ten days of fun and reminiscence. The Gathering begins as any other party. A time for new loves, old friends, family, dancing and fun, but all too soon that changes. The people in Lia Fail begin to experience strange goings on they can’t explain, unseen forces attack several guests and friends begin to distrust friends. When they receive news of a horrific massacre, they realize they must face an impending dark evil that threatens to descend on the tranquil village.

Alia Stark, the queen of Lia Fail, must face this darkness. But she will face the evil along side her oldest and dearest friends, as well as an amazing new ally. The fate of her people, the lives of her children and freedom itself rests in her hands. Will she have the courage to do what must be done?

This is the beginning of a journey that will change all of their lives forever.

The Gathering: Book One of the Lia Fail Chronicles is the first in a new Paranormal, Fantasy, and Adventure Series.

Gathering Cover

Links:
Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/The-Gathering-Book-Chronicles-ebook/dp/B004DCB5X2/
Amazon UK: http://www.amazon.co.uk/The-Gathering-Book-Chronicles-ebook/dp/B004DCB5X2/
Barnes and Noble: http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/the-gathering-s-l-dearing/1025141705
Goodreads: http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/10735287-the-gathering
Shelfari: http://www.shelfari.com/o1514822952
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheLiaFailChronicles

Join us October 5 from 3-7pm PST on Facebook for a grand party event. There will be games and prizes from LOTS of authors and Swag artists. Please come and join the fun!!

https://www.facebook.com/events/523140221098615/

About the Author: Although she grew up in Arizona, S. L. Dearing was born and raised in California and considers the Golden State her home. Shannon attended Cal Poly San Luis Obispo, studying biology, then moved to Los Angeles where she spent several years studying at Los Angeles City College’s renowned Television/ Film program. She learned the art of storytelling from her father when she was very young and has been writing since the tender age of five. As an author of many genres, she is always hoping to learn more by exploring the world of story.

S.L.Dearing

She has written her first novel The Gathering: Book One of the Lia Fail Chronicles. She also has short stories in several anthologies: Apocalypse: An Anthology by Readers & Authors, Paranormal Anthology with a Twist and the soon to be released Stalkers: A Collection of Thriller Stories. Shannon currently resides in Los Angeles.

Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/sldearing
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/S.L.Dearing.Author
Website: http://www.sldearing.com

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Cheating… hmm…


I was reading another blog a little while ago and the author was talking about the little talked about reasons why men cheat.  At the end, everyone had something to comment about.   The agreeing with the author, the chastising, the offering of other reasons… and yet none of them seemed to (1) mention that just as many women cheat and (2) why people are so devastated by cheating.

1. Yes… women cheat.  I’ve had women friends who cheated on their boyfriends and husbands, and girlfriends and wives.  There are always different reasons.  They felt neglected because he/she was never home or never listened, they weren’t in love with their partners anymore, there was no passion, he/ she was cheating on her… the list goes on forever and there is always an excuse. One commentator on the other blog got it right in one respect, they do it because they can.  Yes, there are repercussions and consequences, but in many cases, most people want to get caught. Yep, you heard me, they want to get caught.  Why?  Because there are problems in the relationship and the cheating is a symptom.   Getting caught brings it to the surface.  Now of course this isn’t true in all cases… sometimes sex is an outlet and nothing more… sometimes they just want to cheat, male or female, they want to step out… thus bringing us to…

2. The real reason that cheating is so devastating to the non-cheater.  It’s simple really… it’s the lying.  Lies.  The whole act of cheating is a calculated, self-indulgent lie.  A one night stand is bad enough.  The cheater has to cover his or her whereabouts for an evening, working late, car accident, friend needed me… and the trusting partner believes.  There it is… the trusting partner.  It’s bad enough when you cheat once, but then there is the affair.  Yeah, the affair is worse.  Why?  Because now, it’s time and money and emotion.  The onc time lie has become symptomatic and huge and continuous.

Lots of people say it’s the sex.  I don’t think it is… sure, you’re concerned because maybe they weren’t safe.  That’ s possible, but look deeper and I bet you see where the pain really is… it’s in the lie.  This person who is supposed to always be truthful with you has been systematically lying, for whatever reason.  That’s why it’s so hard to get trust back… because of the lies.  Right after the lies, it’s the rejection.  Why wasn’t I enough?  Why didn’t you love me like that?

There is no magic fix to this because some people will always cheat… but maybe we can try to look at it for what it could be… the symptom to a greater problem.  Take a look and see what it might be… maybe you can fix it, maybe you can’t.

Have I been cheated on?  Not that I know of, I don’t believe so, but you never know for sure.  But I do know that if I was ever cheated on and learned about it, it would be the lie that hurt the most.