Here comes 2013… well, here it is…

It’s been a while since I’ve been here and for that I apologize, but I thought as it’s January 1, 2013, I would start again and decide to commit, despite the obstacles the universe will inevitably throw my way.  The past two years I have had quite a few obstacles.  Loss of my father and sister-in-law, my marriage, my job and my health… but even with all of this, I have gained much.  I was lucky to have both dad and KC in my life for as long as I did.  And although my marriage is over, the friendship my husband, David, and I have is stronger than ever, so really it’s just the restructuring of our relationship,which is wonderful, because we still care deeply for one another and are still each other’s biggest supporters. So as far as divorces go, ours is sad, but still amazing.  My job, well, it was just that, a job, although I did enjoy it and the people I worked with.  Typical issue, company got sold and new company was too far away, so I opted to look for new work, which is something I’m still doing and it turned out to be the best thing, because it turns out, other people needed me and I had I been working, I wouldn’t have been able to help them.  So, fingers crossed, I will find gainful employment in the next few months.  My health.  I have struggled with my weight for most of my life and it finally caught up to me in 2011, after I lost my dad and fell apart.  I was diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes.  But I can buckle down when faced with a horrible thing (and was relieved to discover I did not have an enlarged heart – can’t make a heart shrink) and you can reverse Diabetes (especially Type 2) which I did, but my weight loss slowed and I once again have not endured to get healthy.  I’ve managed to keep the diabetes at bay, but I know I need to drop this excess baggage.

So, here I am and once again a new year begins and I’m asked about resolutions.  I’m not going to make them, but rather I’m going to pursue that which will propel me closer to my goals.  I need to set a schedule for my life.  Now, not so rigid I have no spontaneity, but rather a schedule to keep me from distractions and procrastinations.  A schedule to keep me honest and away from the TV.  A schedule to keep me writing and pursuing.  A schedule to keep me working on all that I’ve already achieved.  I no longer have only myself to write for, I have fans.  Now I have an obligation to them.  I have family and friends who depend on me, even though I know I need time for myself. I have to schedule my life to find balance.  But I feel in my soul that this is the time for me to find that.

The last two years were not only about obstacles and overcoming them, as well as seeing the positive in them, but it was also about discovering more about myself.  I have made new friends, who are so wonderful and supportive, and reconnected with friends I had lost touch with, and found that no time had passed at all.  I’ve jumped off the cliff and landed safely at the bottom.  I’ve discovered now… this year… it’s all about climbing back up… most likely so I can jump off again.  But I guess that’s what life is… it’s about taking chances and exposing yourself to the dangers and once you survive, it’s about the hard work, climbing back up, so you can do it all over again.  Yup, it’s all about that hard work, whether it’s writing or getting healthy or laughing when you’re sad or job hunting or just doing what needs to be done.  The hard work that when you’ve completed the journey makes you smile, no matter how tired or sore you are.  The hard work that you can take pride in.  So, I’d better settle in… I’ve got a long way to climb before 2014.

More Changes…

My life is all about change and my difficulty accepting it… don’t get me wrong, I’m so much better than I used to be, but I know I still have short comings.  I get stressed out sometimes when everything is in upheaval (like now, we’re getting a new fridge… organized chaos at the moment – how’s that for an oxymoron?)

First change, my job will be ending soon, the company I’ve worked for the last eight years was sold, so it’s take over time.  The new company seems fine, but their offices are too far to commute and gas prices being the way they are, well…  Don’t worry, it’s a good thing, I know this.  It’s a little scary, but I’ve got a plan… or two, so no worries about that.  After all, it’ll give me time to write, time to market my novel, time to travel… it’s all ok.

One of the most significant relationships of my life is also changing… not ending, but changing.  It’s also sad and scary, but I know it’s the right path for both of us.  I know that we’ll always be there for each other and that we’ll still hang out and share each other’s lives, just not in the same way.  I hope he knows how much he means to me and how I wouldn’t have changed a thing, that I would choose him all over again, even if I knew the outcome would lead to now.   Our love has changed, but it’s still there and now we have to change with it.

Late last year I was diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes.  It was ok, because I was terrified I might have an enlarged heart.  You can’t fix an enlarged heart, but you can fix Type 2.  My diabetes was caused by my weight (which is… well, I’m a big girl).  An over abundance of cortisol due to excessive adipose tissue and eventually a tolerance to insulin, causing the pancreas to over produce the hormone until the body becomes so resistant that it just doesn’t produce it anymore… diabetes.  I caught mine early and although I was technically diabetic, I was still producing.  Good news, through diet and exercise and a great doctor who stayed on me and still does, I’ve reversed my diabetes.  I’m still on the long road to getting healthy, but I’m taking it day by day.  It’s hard to teach an old dog new tricks, and this dog is no exception.  But again, I am trying and detirmined to shed the pounds and all that goes with it.

The most significant change was losing my dad last year.  My best friend, my mentor, my hero.  That one turned my world upside down, but like the Black Pearl, even when I was upside down, I eventually found myself upright again.  It’s hard to focus sometimes, but I’ve been working on some projects that are getting me back on track.

Change comes to us all and every moment I am learning to embrace it, no matter how painful or sad or frightening it might be.  It can only make me a better person, teach me more about myself and help me grow and learn.  Time here is short.  We all need to make it the best time we can… and embrace the change.