Kharma is slacking and making me Mad… Why am I letting it?


So I have been going along in my life, working on my goals and friendships. I try to be positive every day and focus on the good things. I have a tendency to be a little bit Pollyana-ish (well, more than a little). However, today I was led (by some unseen force) to check on an individual I’ve known for over 20 years. You should know, we aren’t friends anymore, although, we are intertwined by mutual friends and a past. I have no desire to be friends. I don’t particularly like this person. They are the type of person that if you can’t further their career or benefit them in some way, why bother? I have seen them be unfatithful to their spouse. I have seen them start a physical altercation and then blame the other person. I have seen them attempt to destroy a person’s reputation. I have seen them be rude, disrespectful and unapologetic for their behavior, as if it were completely acceptable to behave that way. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not perfect, far from it actually, but whenever I have behaved badly, I take responsibility and apologize, and I don’t try to destroy a person’s reputation. I heard that this person gave a half-assed apology to one of the people involved in the physical altercation, but took no responsibility for having started it in the first place. Lame.

Anyway, they chose to stop speaking to me because I didn’t support their version of a story, which was a lie. As a matter of fact, I haven’t spoke to this person in over 3 years, but for some reason, today I found it necessary to see what this person has been doing.

What I found is that they appear to be doing really well, and that… that made me angry. To this person, that I know for a fact, is not a good person and has done horrible things to people I care about, good things are happening. That part of me that hopes Kharma takes care of things got SOOO angry. What was Kharma doing? Why hadn’t they handled this? Negative should bring negative! I was venting and railing against them, feeling sick to my stomach that they are succeeding and seeing new people fall for the “charming” act – yes, an act. Why was this getting to me? Is it my envy, jealousy… frustration? The frustration that I, and others who are extremely talented and hard working, are struggling to be seen and be successful in our chosen field, while this individual is getting all kinds of accolades and recognition? The fire of rage was burning!

Then a friend posted this Meme.

meme

It struck home. There was no reason for me to get angry at their success. I might still be struggling to find my place, along with those I know and find to be so talented who also deserve their place in the sun, like me, but it’s because it’s just not our time… yet. These little successes this individual has come across, they belong to them. I have to let go of the injustices they committed, hoping to see them fail, falling on their face, and focus on my own endeavors, and know I will succeed.

Maybe we’re conditioned to get angry… when we see an injustice of this kind. But it has no bearing on my life… not really. I’ll never forget what happened, I’m not built that way, but I don’t need to worry about it either. Whether or not Kharma ends up taking care of this is irrelevent. By the way, Kharma is not the universe’s way of giving payback, but is rather the draw of energy. When one puts out negative, they get negative and Vice Versa. I need to work harder, appreciate the people that matter, let go of the one’s who do not matter. Encourage and support those talented souls, and forget the drama… even the drama in my head.

I can’t imagine I would ever see or work with this person again, but if that day comes, I will deal with it. Be the bigger person and remember that they have no real affect on me or my life, other than how I allow them to affect my life. I have bigger fish to fry and I know my worth… and my heart. So thank you, Soul Sister, for posting that meme and making me see things clearly.

As Polonius said to Ophelia, “To thine own self be true.” He was right. I’ll leave it to Kharma… I’m sure it knows what it’s doing… I’ve got my own circus to worry about… and my own monkeys.

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Considering SomeplacElse by B.L. Lindstrom


Have any of you ever wanted to work some place else?  I know I have and author B. L Lindstrom has created the place where we would all love to be employed… SomeplacElse.

Considering_Someplace_Else

      Among the desert landscapes of Arizona sits SomeplacElse, an experimental community that has perfected the concept of Utopia.  However, this community is about to go toe-to-toe with a millionaire running for governor and the out come will determine the future of all.

We follow Norm Lawson on his search for employment, which leads us to… yes, SomeplacElse.  Once we are introduced to this amazing community and the people within, we are then introduced to Adam Wainwright, an extremely lucky, yet intellectually lacking, millionaire running for the governorship of Arizona.  What ensues is a tale of love, friendship, betrayal, murder and redemption that will compel you to the end.

This book was a wonderful surprise as it was just a wonderful read.  I wasn’t sure what I was getting in to, but once B.L. Lindstrom takes us to SomeplacElse you can’t stay away.   SomeplacElse is the place most us dream of, with engaging characters and a compelling story.  Mr. Lindstrom describes his tale as a modern myth, but it’s just a great story.  I encourage everyone to partake in Considering SomeplacElse.

Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Considering-SomeplacElse-B-L-Lindstrom-ebook/dp/B000ZLY26C/

The Magdalen: A Novel by Bonnie Jones Reynolds


The novel The Magdalen by Bonnie Jones Reynolds is an amazing journey that most of us have been exposed to in other forms for most of our lives, but this time it is different.  The main players are all there, but not as we have been told about them previously.

This is the story of Joshuah, Merriam, Yeshua, Judah and the rest of those characters that we have come to know in other familiar names.  This is the re-telling of the New Testament that many people would rather not see, but in my humble opinion is essential, as it allows the mind, heart and soul to make a choice.  It contains all the things we love about a good book.  This is a voyage back in time that could quite possibly show people an amazing future.

THe Magdalen

I really loved this book.  It’s a long book, I’ll give you that, and I felt at times a little heavy handed in terms of what is being “taught”, but over all it was fantastic.  Bonnie Jones Reynolds has taken the “Greatest Story Ever Told” and made it greater.  Each of the characters we know from the Bible, is different and real.  They are strong and likeable, something that’s essential.  We are introduced to a whole new understanding of what God may be.   Not only do we see a truly Gnostic version of the Story of Jesus’ life, but we are also introduced to the history of the Jewish people, that I’m sure many are completely unaware, as I was.   I was drawn in and held to the end.

This is a novel that many will find radical and controversial, but it’s a story that has been longing to be told.   If you have an open mind and heart to hear about a message of Joy and Love, then please read this book.

5 pink starsAmazon: http://www.amazon.com/The-Magdalen-Bonnie-Jones-Reynolds/dp/1440172072

Trust – Which do you choose?


It’s been quite some time since I sat down and wrote under the category of LIFE, but I thought it was time.

I was recently in a situation where I met a new group of people and we all had to spend 14 hours days together for two weeks. It was great! I know it doesn’t sound like it, but it was and in that time, you build bonds with people. So, where am I going? Well, here we go.

Some people I gravitated to instantly, you know, kindred spirits or a soul you knew a long time ago, but then I found that trust was an issue for a few of them. They are lovely people, do not get me wrong, and I adore them, but they don’t trust easily. I do understand that, I really do. I  vividly remember the first time I was really screwed over and knew it. It was at the end of my fourth-grade year. This girl (her name I’ve forgotten) had lied and used me and tried to turn people against me, at age 9, nice. Well, as I thought about it, in my room, I did (as I still do) I decided I could do a few things.

1. Don’t trust anyone. Well, then I never get hurt, because I never let anyone in. That saves me from hurt, but it also prohibits me from having real friends and loving and being loved by them. I happen to be a person who thrives on human contact and I really need not only my family, but my friends… so, not appealing.
2. Keep doing what I was doing and blindly hug the world. Let them all in and see what happens. . Hmmm, nice idea, but then I wouldn’t have learned anything, like some people are Asshats, yes, asshats. And my heart would be trampled again and again. Not appealing.
3. Give everyone the same amount of trust to begin with and see what they do with it. A basic level of trust, like… ok, I trust you to say hi, have a few laughs and have a good time. Oh, you didn’t try to kill me or punch me in the face, let’s move forward (Of course, I’m being ridiculous in terms of trust level, I’m just pointing it our, levels of trust).

Bottom line: I chose number 3. I’m not willing to hide and be afraid of having my heart-broken or my soul crushed. Each time it’s happened, I’ve become stronger. I am a unicorn (you remember, right?) with the spirit of the Phoenix and I will rise from the ashes, stronger and more determined than before to do what is right for me.

I’ve had quite  few people remark recently I have a large number of friends, and a few said it rather apprehensively. Well, I  guess I do, but I’ve worked long and hard and been shoved, pushed, lied to, betrayed, screwed over and ignored, left behind, etc, etc, etc, but in the midst of all of that, I have found the precious gems that are my friends. Those that are worthy and loyal and understanding and kind and generous and loving. Some of us have been to hell and back together, and some are brand new, but we are in this together and we trust each other and we have a bond and that’s the most important thing.

I was recently reminded of a great saying ~ Don’t let the fear of striking out, Keep you from playing the game ~ and it’s true. If you never try, you will never succeed. And the only way to do that is to keep putting it out there, everything that you are, all the dreams you hold close, all the goals you reach for… put it out there and TRUST… a little bit more everyday, the rewards can be unimagineable.

They call me… SPAZ!


So, I’ve been spending the evening with my dear friend, Claudia.  She is, without a doubt, the best person in the world at pushing my buttons.  And yes, her nickname is  SPAZ.

We met in 1998 at LACC (LA City College – TV Program).  She was a taurus, just like me (I’m May 8, she’s May 15).  Strong-willed, hard-headed, stubborn, mouthy and argumentative, loyal and fun… we got along like gangbusters.  We spent the next three years hanging out, making films and having fun.  It was during this time she earned (yes, earned) the nickname, SPAZ.  How you ask?  Well, it was a series of events.  First, her absolute love of NKOTB… no, I wasn’t a fan, but she spent HOURS trying to get glimpses of them and chat with them and then she would talk about them incessantly – causing the boys to mock her endlessly, and the boys claimed it was NSync, which made her crazy.  Ultimately, she would laugh that fabulous, dusky, throaty laugh (same laugh today).  The famous Bear interviews (inside mockumentary based on the life of deceased producer – another story for another time) when she fell off a stool and off a flat, she survived, the rest of us weren’t so sure we would.  It took 15 minutes to stop laughing.  When she miscalculated her gas range on a road trip and didn’t have the cash to continue and had to sleep in a Wal-Mart parking lot in Texas (she’s fine, she got money from a friend), when she showed up to a casual Christmas party in a prom dress, when she passed out on Sunset Blvd and ended up on TMZ, then called me to tell she was passed out on Sunset Blvd. and ended up on TMZ.  Anyway, these stories go on and on and on.

During this time, she moved to Florida, then back to California, then Alabama, and then she was gone for a long time.  Recently she came back to Southern California and I have missed her.  Whenever she comes to LA, we try to hang out or get dinner.  I just learned she may be moving back into the city and I’m jazzed.  Tonight we had dinner with Dave and then she came back here to hang out and drive back to the Inland Empire tomorrow.  She’s been here for 4 hours and we have spent 3 of those hours arguing.  I don’t know why we do it, but we do, and it’s never mad, just a lot of yelling and then laughing.  We disagree and she pushes my buttons and sometimes I push hers.  But I realized, I really don’t argue with anyone else the way I do with her.  I don’t know why… Maybe we work out our aggression on each other.  That’s a good thing.

Our “fighting” has never changed in the last 15 years, it’s exactly the same.  Has our relationship grown, yes, in many ways it has, but we are still each other’s best argument waiting to happen.  And she is still SPAZ… just when I think she may have outgrown the name, she will do something spectacular that warrants the moniker.  I’m trying to get her to write a book about her life… because she has had an amazing, full life.  She has never been afraid of taking chances.  She is the one taking it by the horns, doing what she wants and seeing the joy and beauty in everything, having a great time.   We may fight and she may push those buttons, but my life has been enriched just by knowing her.  She is definitely an inspiration… she’s my nemesis… she’s my friend…. and her name is… SPAZ.

You can follow SPAZ at the links below:

Twitter: @NikonAddict75

Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/COakenfull

You should all know… she’s on the list… no really, whatever the list, wherever the list, she’s on it… ask her. 😉  I love you, Claudia!!