Trust – Which do you choose?


It’s been quite some time since I sat down and wrote under the category of LIFE, but I thought it was time.

I was recently in a situation where I met a new group of people and we all had to spend 14 hours days together for two weeks. It was great! I know it doesn’t sound like it, but it was and in that time, you build bonds with people. So, where am I going? Well, here we go.

Some people I gravitated to instantly, you know, kindred spirits or a soul you knew a long time ago, but then I found that trust was an issue for a few of them. They are lovely people, do not get me wrong, and I adore them, but they don’t trust easily. I do understand that, I really do. I  vividly remember the first time I was really screwed over and knew it. It was at the end of my fourth-grade year. This girl (her name I’ve forgotten) had lied and used me and tried to turn people against me, at age 9, nice. Well, as I thought about it, in my room, I did (as I still do) I decided I could do a few things.

1. Don’t trust anyone. Well, then I never get hurt, because I never let anyone in. That saves me from hurt, but it also prohibits me from having real friends and loving and being loved by them. I happen to be a person who thrives on human contact and I really need not only my family, but my friends… so, not appealing.
2. Keep doing what I was doing and blindly hug the world. Let them all in and see what happens. . Hmmm, nice idea, but then I wouldn’t have learned anything, like some people are Asshats, yes, asshats. And my heart would be trampled again and again. Not appealing.
3. Give everyone the same amount of trust to begin with and see what they do with it. A basic level of trust, like… ok, I trust you to say hi, have a few laughs and have a good time. Oh, you didn’t try to kill me or punch me in the face, let’s move forward (Of course, I’m being ridiculous in terms of trust level, I’m just pointing it our, levels of trust).

Bottom line: I chose number 3. I’m not willing to hide and be afraid of having my heart-broken or my soul crushed. Each time it’s happened, I’ve become stronger. I am a unicorn (you remember, right?) with the spirit of the Phoenix and I will rise from the ashes, stronger and more determined than before to do what is right for me.

I’ve had quite  few people remark recently I have a large number of friends, and a few said it rather apprehensively. Well, I  guess I do, but I’ve worked long and hard and been shoved, pushed, lied to, betrayed, screwed over and ignored, left behind, etc, etc, etc, but in the midst of all of that, I have found the precious gems that are my friends. Those that are worthy and loyal and understanding and kind and generous and loving. Some of us have been to hell and back together, and some are brand new, but we are in this together and we trust each other and we have a bond and that’s the most important thing.

I was recently reminded of a great saying ~ Don’t let the fear of striking out, Keep you from playing the game ~ and it’s true. If you never try, you will never succeed. And the only way to do that is to keep putting it out there, everything that you are, all the dreams you hold close, all the goals you reach for… put it out there and TRUST… a little bit more everyday, the rewards can be unimagineable.

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Dreams…


Dreams… the magic of sleep… the visions of a future endeavor… the things we want to do… so many different kinds of dreams.  I personally love them all.  One of my fave bands and fave songs of all time is Dream On by Aerosmith.   Just in case you don’t know the song, the poetic lyrics are all about life and growing old and doing what makes you laugh and cry… give it a listen.

The day dreams of being something you currently are not… those are good.  To be a rock star, or an actor or an artist, or a wife or a mother,  or a deep sea diver, or a doctor… the list goes on.  We all have dreams like these, some are what others would call fantastical (basically a fantasy) while others are more steeped in reality.  Or so you might think… the reality is, anything is possible, and although it would seem to be easy, it won’t be.  It would be easier for some women to be a famous musician then to be a mother.  It might be more simple to walk on the moon than to swim the deep sea.  I can’t deep sea dive… I can swim, probably better than most, I’m not afraid of the ocean.  I have too much pressure in my head.  Going down 12 feet makes my ears HURT!!  Oh well, I can do other things and it doesn’t stop me from swimming… my true love.  But there are women who can’t get pregnant and haven’t been able to adopt, so a dream of motherhood may not happen form them.  But that doesn’t mean we stop dreaming… or trying for that matter.  I think that until we have exhausted all efforts, we can make it happen if we truly want it.

Sleeping and dreaming… the dreaming we can’t control.  Or can we?  Some of us wake up… I can’t do that.  Never have been able to.  What I do… I change my dream as I’m having it.  It normally doesnt’ stay away, but I can change what I’m dreaming. If I’m having a nightmare, I change it to something else.  as stated above, it does come back, but it goes away for a little while.  I dream in color… some people dream in Black and White… I wonder if anyone dreams in Sepia?  Most of my sleeping dreams contain real people… although a lot of the time I dont’ know them.  Like, I don’t know them, but my dream self knows them.  And although I’m in the dream, I mostly feel like I’m watching myself go through the dream, but I don’t listen to myself.  It’s all very frustrating.

As I understand it, some people can’t or don’t dream.  I think that’s kind of sad.  I’ve always enjoyed dreaming… both Day and Night.  Personal movies in my head, and although they’re not always well made and are sometimes REALLY weird, they’re mine and I love them.

Whatever the dream you have, be it awake or asleep, make it count.  Use it later to create art or prose or follow it till the ends of time trying to make it happen.  Dreams are the visions of our lives and it is only we who can make them real.  So in the immortal words of Aerosmith…Dream On!!