My life is all about change and my difficulty accepting it… don’t get me wrong, I’m so much better than I used to be, but I know I still have short comings. I get stressed out sometimes when everything is in upheaval (like now, we’re getting a new fridge… organized chaos at the moment – how’s that for an oxymoron?)
First change, my job will be ending soon, the company I’ve worked for the last eight years was sold, so it’s take over time. The new company seems fine, but their offices are too far to commute and gas prices being the way they are, well… Don’t worry, it’s a good thing, I know this. It’s a little scary, but I’ve got a plan… or two, so no worries about that. After all, it’ll give me time to write, time to market my novel, time to travel… it’s all ok.
One of the most significant relationships of my life is also changing… not ending, but changing. It’s also sad and scary, but I know it’s the right path for both of us. I know that we’ll always be there for each other and that we’ll still hang out and share each other’s lives, just not in the same way. I hope he knows how much he means to me and how I wouldn’t have changed a thing, that I would choose him all over again, even if I knew the outcome would lead to now. Our love has changed, but it’s still there and now we have to change with it.
Late last year I was diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes. It was ok, because I was terrified I might have an enlarged heart. You can’t fix an enlarged heart, but you can fix Type 2. My diabetes was caused by my weight (which is… well, I’m a big girl). An over abundance of cortisol due to excessive adipose tissue and eventually a tolerance to insulin, causing the pancreas to over produce the hormone until the body becomes so resistant that it just doesn’t produce it anymore… diabetes. I caught mine early and although I was technically diabetic, I was still producing. Good news, through diet and exercise and a great doctor who stayed on me and still does, I’ve reversed my diabetes. I’m still on the long road to getting healthy, but I’m taking it day by day. It’s hard to teach an old dog new tricks, and this dog is no exception. But again, I am trying and detirmined to shed the pounds and all that goes with it.
The most significant change was losing my dad last year. My best friend, my mentor, my hero. That one turned my world upside down, but like the Black Pearl, even when I was upside down, I eventually found myself upright again. It’s hard to focus sometimes, but I’ve been working on some projects that are getting me back on track.
Change comes to us all and every moment I am learning to embrace it, no matter how painful or sad or frightening it might be. It can only make me a better person, teach me more about myself and help me grow and learn. Time here is short. We all need to make it the best time we can… and embrace the change.