Father’s Day… Five Years Later


Dad and Shan - 1969

It’s been five years since my dad left us… and when I say left us, he died. Some of you have read my post, “My Father, My Hero, ” which was written a few days after he left. Raw emotions left on the page from fresh wounds, and now five years later, they are scars.

They prickle and hurt from time to time, reminding me about how much I miss him. The sound of his voice, his laughter, his wisdom. I learned so much from him. Some things obvious, other things not so much.

He taught me how to laugh. Introducing me to comedy in all forms, and allowing me to make my own decisions. Enjoying food… now, maybe I enjoy food too much, but because of he and my mother making me try new foods, I have a diverse and demanding palate. I think more parents need to do this (just my humble opinion). He taught me to work hard in sports and academics. He taught me how to be creative when disciplining a child.

He gave me an older sister, different mom ;). We didn’t get to meet until we were adults, but she reminds me of him every day. We look like him. She plays drums like him. She has his wild streak. She in turn has given me a niece and nephew.

He was one half of my parents. He gave me the other half. He gave me my mother. He fell in love with my mom. She is exceptional. Talented, logical, and loving. My mother and I have had a bumpy ride, but we came out the other side. Today our relationship is stronger than ever.

Together they gave me my younger brother and sister. My Rocks. We share the same memories. We share moments that he was a part of. We have shared a life that he was an integral part of. My sister gave us a neice.

Earlier this year, my father-in-law left us. Such a  lovely man. So full of life, and joy. It was difficult to be around him and not smile or laugh. He loved to mock my American accent, introduce me to English foods. He would make jokes with his son, that only the two of them would get. He loved his wife and his children, and did for all of them.

Now, I get to help my husband through this diffcult time. Hold his hand, dry his tears and help him to move through the pain of missing his dad. Nothing can prepare you for the loss of a parent. My sister explained it best. We were a unit. Even though my parents were divorced, we were a unit, and now a piece of the unit is gone and it can’t be replaced. That is the best description.

I miss him every day. But I don’t cry every day now. Don’t get me wrong, I still have my “daddy days”, but they are fewer. Every once in a while, it hits me like a mack truck, and for a little while it’s the same as it was when we first left. But them I cry it out, and it’s okay for a while.

The mourning process never ends. That piece of you is missing. It will never be filled. Despite that, I carry him with me. I see him when I look in the mirror, or around my home. He is always in my heart. Thus, he is always with me.

I am so blessed to have had him for a father, and a best friend.

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The Blank Page


We writers have one enemy… ourselves.

Within our minds lies the richest fields of imagination, yet, when stress and clutter and busy work come to play, the gates are closed adn locked. I’ve often been asked, “How do you find inspiration?”

Well, I often use music, re-read what I’ve written before, read something new, watching a documentary, learn about something historical. All of these things have inspired me. Bu thow do I clear away the clutter? The never ending list of “Things-to-Do”?

I’ve not been so successful with that. I often find myself overwhelmed with all the “things” I have to do. Cleaning, creating, organizing. I recently had my book re-edited and have not yet had the time to sit down and go through it. I’m trying to write a new book, and yet, nothing. I stare at the blank page and… nothing.

Writing isn’t always about having the idea… it’s also about executing it. Other writers say it’s a job. Well, yes it is. They say you just do it. Well, no, you don’t. If the words aren’t coming, they aren’t coming… and forcing them isn’t going to go well.

So, today I stared at this blank page. One I’ve been woefully neglecting, and decided to put out there what we all face as writers. Maybe I can kick start my creative brain, by creating some posts on my blog. Maybe… you never can tell, right?